Coaching Resources

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(1) Choosing a coach

There are several factors to consider when choosing a coach and it’s worth taking the time to think about what you want from a coach and your desired objectives in the coaching contract: whether you are looking for a coach based on the core coaching competency of someone skilled in asking questions and using forms of inquiry to help you surface and find your own solutions, or whether you are looking for other additional skills and experience such as business, management or leadership experience.

This interview (from the Tim Ferriss Show) with Eric Schmidt on his experience of being coached by Bill Campbell is worth listening to as you think about what you most want from a coach – it highlights core coaching competencies that Bill Campbell used but also speaks to the semi “chief of staff” or advisor role that Bill also played:

2) Wheel of Life

To help understand priorities / area of focus within your life

Source: Withworth L., Kimsey-House, K., Kimsey-House H. & Sandahl, P. (2009). Co-active coaching – 2nd Ed. Davies Black. p.222

(2) Structured Guidelines for Reflection

Key questions provide structure for short weekly 15 minute personal reflection which can be used to monitor, reflect and steer personal development next steps.

What do you feel so far?
On a scale of high to low, do you feel:
– Excited? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
– Confident? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
– In control of your success? If not, why not? What can you do about it?

What has bothered you so far?
– With whom have you failed to connect? Why?
– Of the meetings you have attended, which has been the most troubling? Why?
– Of all that you have seen or heard, what has disturbed you the most? Why?

What has gone well or poorly?
– Which interactions would you handle differently if you could? Which exceeded your expectations? Why?
– Which of your decisions have turned out particularly well? Not so well? Why? 
– What missed opportunities do you regret the most? Was a better result blocked primarily by you or by something beyond your control?

Source: Watkins, M. (2003). The first 90 days: Critical success strategies. Harvard Business Review Press. p. 215

(3) Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking

 1. All-or-nothing thinking
You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as total failure.

2. Overgeneralization
You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat; by using words such as “always” or “never” when you think about it.

3. Mental filter

You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that you place disproportionate emphasis on negative comments.

4. Discounting the positive
You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count.” If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it still was not good enough or that anyone could have done as well.

5. Jumping to conclusions

You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Mind reading: Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn out badly without taking into accounts the facts and past experience.

6. Magnification
You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance if your desirable qualities.

7. Emotional reasoning
You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel angry. This proves I’m being treated unfairly.” Or “I feel so inferior. This means I’m a second–rate person. “Or I felt hopeless. I must really be hopeless.”

8 .”Should statements”
You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. “Must,” “oughts” and “have tos” are similar offenders. “Should statements” that are directed against yourself lead to guilt arid frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world general lead to anger and frustration.

9. Labeling
Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. ‘- Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself  “a failure” or “an idiot. ” Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you so.

10. Personalization
Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control.

Source: Burns, D.D. (1920) Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: William Morrow & Company, pp. 8-11.

(4) Questions for Deep Self Reflection

Useful questions for coaches to enhance self-reflection and continuous learning

• What was really going on for me?
• What was I feeling?
• What has happened to my connection with the body?
• Who might the client have become for me?
• What association with my ‘there and then’ emerge as I reflect on this encounter?
• What was I feeling with the client?
• What was I afraid of?
• What might be behind that?

From Coaching and Trauma: From surviving to thriving” by Julia Vaughan Smith, Page 71

Welcome , today is Sunday, July 14, 2024