The most recent series of NPR’s “Invisibilia” Podcast* is coming to an end but one episode from March left such a strong impression on me personally, and as I think of the challenge of self-management during the current COVID19 crisis, that I felt compelled to put my thoughts into words.
As with each episode of Invisibilia the listener is taken on a kind of magical mystery tour of rich and varied perspectives, and the interesting twists and turns subtly reveal themselves along the way towards the conclusion. The particular episode that prompted me to write today is titled “An Unlikely Superpower” and touches on topics such as climate change, health and how we think about the future in an uncertain world.
At about 40 minutes into the podcast there is an interview with an individual called Alison who talks about her philosophy on living with the health condition Parkinson’s disease:
“if I pinned my hopes to a cure, I would just be waiting and it wouldn’t come and I would get resentful and disappointed and depressed and be more likely to fall off my perch quicker.. So I pin my hopes to living a life as well as I can, as good as I can every day from one day to the next”
Alison’s words and her story struck home for me because I had also been in a situation of “pinning my hopes on a cure”. While still in my early 20s I had surgery which left me with partial facial paralysis. I have been lucky in that this hasn’t stopped me pursuing my interests in life but my facial nerve never fully recovered. I spent many years holding on to hope for a cure and that life would suddenly be better when I could look “normal” again.
However, it was upon reading my medical notes and set of research papers on my health condition for the umpteenth time several years ago, that I finally came to terms with the fact that a treatment wasn’t going to reveal itself any day soon and that it was highly unlikely that there was ever going to be a day when I would, in my own definition, regain a symmetrical face and look “normal” again.
Releasing my thoughts of the future from a hope and expectation on a cure or treatment brought a wave of relief and felt like I could finally let go of a heavy weight that I had been carrying . Moreover, it helped me realise that pinning my hopes on a cure had narrowed my own vision and that when I took some time to accept a new reality, many more positives in my day-to-day life came into view again.
I had undervalued friends, discovery, growth, experience, and achievements from the past and of the present, because I was so focused on a future conditional on a so-called cure. By accepting and releasing myself from a future dependent on a cure, I was able to better appreciate the positives and meaning of my current life.**
As I think of so many of us working in a new normal as a result of the COVID19 crisis, it also makes me wonder how we go about balancing our hopes about the future and the meaning and joy to be found in the present. Yes, we need to take action to help each other and find ways to work in a new way and in new contexts, but we can only do this if we release ourselves from a hope that there will be a magical resolution: To borrow Alison’s words, if we pin our hopes on a time when things will return to normal, then we will “just be waiting”, rather than living a life as well as we can, as good as we can every day from one day to the next.
Endnotes
* Invisibilia is one of many podcasts that I enjoy from NPR and other media and news publishers. To see my current list of favourite podcasts click here
** My intent in writing this is not that we should give up on working towards or hoping for cures to health issues or solutions to world problems, but if we hold on too tightly to a hope for something to come along and “save” us, we can lose ourselves in waiting and be blinkered to the options, delights and rewards that are accessible to on a day to day basis
